[I] SEEK NO MOKSHA

A win over that 180cc pulsar. A win over that crude-style punkass with a macbook pro. A win over another one in that league. A win I’ll never forget. A win over myself. People were quick to ask me.. for how long, bitch? How long do you think? I honestly don’t know. But for the first time in a long time, I couldn’t care less.

Small it may sound, but the effect it has on your mind, your guts, your everything is much more heartening, much more healing and much more high-up-there than a win over your harshest rival. But as much as you may itch to conclude that this turns you against yourself, the same people would rather skip another enviro prac to get a cliché in your mind – it helps a lot to be your own best friend when you’re alone.

You may agree, or even submit to that thought. Sometimes when I think about it, the only phrase that unrelentingly tends to enlighten my still unlit grey is “Food for Thought”. The last thought of the day I messaged everyone was about how people can be easily made to hang out. One thing I ‘forgot’ to add was that the ‘people’ I mentioned were essentially special souls that don’t feel somewhat like lonely aliens in a crowd of earthly matter. Maybe this is the reason why most of the thoughts of my days do not apply to me.

A theory I very recently read somewhere(where, I dunno - I was hardly paying any attention to what the address-bar had on it) goes somewhat like we would rather walk with our heads down than notice the personal salvation cocoon everybody is busily encased in, out of a fear that they may bust your own if we unintentionally burst their’s. Sometimes you feel you’re drifting lanes on an expressway at rush hour. Survival is never guaranteed. Yours, and your cocoon’s. But every drift, every churn in your stomach that follows it, reminds you of probably the most important relationship of your life… your relationship with food. The highs and lows of it… the days you would even eat a chocolate cake (replace ‘chocolate’ with something you don’t like) and the days the food would better be on the plate than inside you, for you that’s inside you is a lot more anxious to get back on the plate. The days when u have omelettes, protein shakes, black current coolers on your table and all you think is “I’m Sumit Sharma and I am going to make myself stronger from you. I am not sure about my mood swings and I don’t know when I’ma eat again, so right now, you all are just getting in me.”

My friends always warned me against a self destructive lack of concern for myself. But one thing they, according to me, couldn’t understand was that lane drifting on an expressway wasn’t self destructive, well, so it seemed before …………………….

Question: if you set high standards, do you feel good? Yes? But what if you cant make em? Did u fail? Maybe… but do you no longer feel good? IF you don’t, what put you down? The hope you pinned to yourself? The hope you didn’t live up to?

Its not pointing blame if you know what exactly its pointed at. Atleast not always. What I feel for my situation now is my fault, my blame, the center of the forehead between my rolled up eyes is target.

The infinitesimal flickering of compassion of pushing myself into the zone. The blame is mine, the acknowledgement of facts, mine, the change expectedly, mine. But I am a winner, and that’s another fact, a fact I don’t need to acknowledge ;)

How many times have you thought of “the last 10 minutes” and wished so insanely there was a way to preserve them in a glass jar so they could last for ever? And that’s in spite of the fact that you know science isn’t that advanced as yet :D

Do you call it human? How many times have you thought people don’t treat you like one? How many times have you wanted to think like that? Interesting, once you give it a thought shot.

QUESTION: The weirdest thing you can do to get high? Can you win when you’re high?

Answer: Variable

You already are a winner when you’re high.

Posted by The Acid Tongue |