[I] SEEK NO MOKSHA

“If you smellllllllllllllll(aaao) What The Rock, is Cookin’! ten-den-nannenanemmm ten-den-nananenemmm” Sounded the echo when I entered the green and white painted room. Making a point to jump up and touch the metallic plate on the hood of the door, saluting the spirit of the words etched on it - IX-B. Who gave a damn about what Section A guys would think about me, as long as the girls thought I was “cute”.

Hi-5s, 3D flips, Hip-hop salutes, and I joined in. Atleast 6 minutes before bus no. 7 docked in. For I was another one of the despos vying for the coveted seat next to her bench. Which one was gonna be ‘her’ bench today? 3^rd one. Na yaar.. kal bhi 3^rd pe baithi thi aaj pakka 4^th. Aur waise bhi jab 4^th khali hai to 3^rd pe thodi baithegi. Alright, 4^th one I put my money on. And the bit of money I am left with now can be traded for the 3^rd seat if she takes that one again. ;)

I hear a whisper near my neck, “Saale abhi dekhiyo sumit kya kya laya hoga uske liye. Ekdum paagal hua pada hai AQ k picche”. My mind was on a high tide of thoughts, and I was tryin’ to surf. 24^th August, the grey-blue card, the wordings on it that were so very true, the mixed feelings of whether I should be happy that the name I had given her was catchin up, or angry that people were thinking I wasn’t serious about her. AQ was the result of my insanely desperate attempts to ward of the moral dangers against her that seemed so disturbing that I lost many a friends in the process. A fight, verbal or physical, was a daily routine 2 years ago.

[[Flashback: Enter ladies after holidays into a new grade... Class 7^th B. The physical signs of adolescence were clearly visible. And boys will be boys. Girls were getting called by names they won’t have a slightest idea as to what these abbreviations expanded to. Or maybe they did. I’d never know. Names I would rather not reiterate here, hehe, were flowing all across the first 3 months. Anyone could have guessed she was the next target. Fights were picked, tu itna senti kyon ho ra hai saale.. teri sister hai kya? The concept of love, I could see, hadn’t caught up this early. And as they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I did precisely that. Suggested a name for her. Attitude Queen. Now I look back and think, I did act smart when I had to ;)The more vulgar names were reserved for the bold-er girls in class. I had managed to save her. And I am glad I dint continue fighting, for then people would have needed a new name for me. Haha]]

Amongst all the turmoil in my head, and the fact that I had been stripped off my monitor-ship of the class, I no longer had the advantage of being able to go over and talk to her, no questions asked. I had to wait till lunch. 4 sessions of 40 minutes each had never lasted one full brain-damage for me. Today my arm was not aching of all the “Ma’am, the writer means this as a pun, doesn’t he. So why did blah blah blah ”. Anyhow, managed to reach lunch without any new punishments. The impression was still there. But so was some cruel misunderstanding. I couldn’t think of a better day to clear up the mess than this one. I wanted her talking to me again. The Science lecture got over with her warning us about how difficult this time’s cycle test ‘could’ be.

Thankyou lord for the world so sweet,
Thankyou lord for the food we eat,
Thankyou lord for the birds that sing,
Thankyou lord for Everything.

Amen!

And as I turned after plucking out the card and the rose paper wrapped gift, she had zapped off. Out of the class. With her friends screaming “Yea!” and “Treat!”

I wasn’t going to barge in on her good times with friends and spoil her mood for I wasn’t sure the card was (in her words) ‘cute’ enough to clear up the misunderstanding. I needed time. And this wasn’t the place either. I wont be slapped in the school playground, and that too in lunch break. :D

Waited with heavy hands and a light tummy. Saving the card from prying eyes, prankster brains and lightening quick hands. And the school bag was the dumbest place to put it in. I didn’t any place more than my own hands to take care of her (card). Roaming around without a motive in corridors and stairways, I missed playing maaran-pitti today. And the foil ball looked so juicy today. I could have beaten the crap out of Sahil today. But the only thought that was keeping me from hiding the card in my most trusted flowerpot of 3 years and running over to play was that maybe somehow she comes to know of my devotion to her, and my job becomes a little easier. Haha, I know, I was into a lot of hindi flics those days :p. and anyways, I wanted to be in my best dressed days when I handed it over to her, and most importantly, I dint want to be smelling rotten.

So here I was, standing alone, faking the turmoil inside me on the outside so people thought I was very busy and not ask “Ssup dawg?”

The Sherpa never looked this sweet ever earlier as he walked past me with the dong in his hand, eyes on his target – the lecture bell plate. I could see people atleast surprised to see me non messy, and more shockingly, already in class, on my seat, when they arrived. She walked in behind Sahil, who had been exceptionally lucky today. There was no eye contact, no waves, and no square looks.

It was bangrhu’s class. Haha I absolutely loved this name. So desi, yet so sleek. But some still preferred to call him ‘paplu’, or ‘math wale sir’. Oh yea.. did I mention that she took the second seat that day while I pushed myself to the sixth? Why I did that is a whole another story which I myself don’t remember lolz. So there she was looking so radiantly pretty, her hair falling over her hand strategically placed on the forehead, slightly caressing the smooth skin on her cheeks, while she read the blackboard and repeated the words that seemingly flowed out of her stunningly beautiful pink lips that always had been like the morphine shot I could never get. Saagar brought me back to the classroom from I don’t know what number heaven it was.

Moment of truth, I could visualize myself standing with the card and the giftbox in hand while she boarded her bus back to home if I dint do it now. The next two lectures were sarita ma’am’s social science and they weren’t going to help in my condition. I wasn’t this anxious when I asked her out 6 years later :D

So the bottomline was.. it’s just a birthday card, go ahead.. wish her a happy birthday. Risk your reputation on the thesis that girls melt easily.

I asked the guy sitting in front of me to exchange my seat while the shrewd bangrhu turned to scribble on the board. Repeat. Reached the fourth seat. Sahil was sitting on the third and I felt like an escapist not wanting to attract the cop’s attention. I have to pass on the card. No alternatives. Did. She sent it back. A note attached. Guts hain to khud aake de. I could hear Stone Cold Steve Austin’s entrance video of the shattering glass in my mind. Today’s not MY birthday, it’s hers. Went ahead, as bangrhu turned his back again to the board. “Happy birthday to you. This is for you, I hope you like it” Just as I reached sahil’s seat, the prof had turned around and I stood cold with the “Damn ur unlucky for me, sahil” look engraved on to my face. Friends were getting ready for the masala. They were expecting their favorite punishment – Chalk on the cheeks for the whole lecture. And god and bangrhu were generous that day. The duster was rouged to my chubby cheeks as the card came flying back to my feet. Don’t dare u remove this. I couldn’t cry. I was the ever smiling perfect guy. I never cry. I never feel low. I could handle this. It had been done to me before. And I was proud of me that day. But I had to confess I hated being so damn happy always at this moment.

She turned around. De De card. My middle finger was itching so badly to lead the war. My mind said no. I wish I had been out of this very frikkin mind that day. But anyhow. The card reached her back. The motive wasn’t complete. And I had lost. Completely and evidently.

I couldn’t even hate her. That had been her effect over me for all these years. She could stab me in the eye, and I’d still not hate her.

And till today I hear people saying, it was just adolescent attraction yaar. I wish they are correct.

Posted by The Acid Tongue |