[I] SEEK NO MOKSHA

Sweat dripped down my brow, onto my forearms stained in blood. I dint stop there, for I wanted to see no flesh, I wanted the bone to peek out. The inner edge of my palms was bruised, nasty cuts that bled. I can’t stop for its my passion. What’s a passion without endurance! What’s a passion that dies down before a climax! The heat is making it impossible for me to lift my arms. There’s a desperation for self destruction, filling my eyes which I can hardly open now. It’s a need to destroy something beautiful. Equally beautiful is the essence of pain. I suddenly realize I don’t want to go any further. The passion is still alive. But something’s changed. Definitely. Can it be the passion itself? Can it be changing form now? Logic is denied. The passion that was once kindled with her touch. It’s no longer the same. I can feel it. I can feel something churning inside me. My guts are bloodied. My faith is dead. It’s the birth of a higher power. It’s my sacrifice. It’s gonna be over in a few moments. I’ll be gone. I can see my entire life flickering between the empty space over my head. I can see it. I can hear the screams. I can see the hugs. I can see the love. I can see no hate. I can see my guitar. The amp. The blue rose preserved in my organo box. The thorns still intact. The bruises still visible. I don’t want to see these beautiful things now. For they make me weak. They make me unstable. I’m dying. I can’t live with them now. The purpose is met. I have no remorse. It’s like a loaded gun to your face. You don’t wanna think. You want to get over with it.

I’m Pain, I’m Hope, I’m Suffer
-Metallica

It’s the devil. My intestines make way till they can, break away when they can’t. the heart is beating. Tirelessly. In Vain. Until I disappear. I can’t speak now, my saliva is red. Enormous. All I see is sepia, are my eyes bleeding? I have no remorse. I no longer feel connected. My skin doesn’t crawl at the thought of being half demon. After all I have seen, I dint my end to be as easy. I was numb, no feeling, my mind was numb, no remorse. The devil lunged out as I saw myself lying in a pool of my own blood in the mirror. The sound shattered the mirror and splinters ousted cells from what remained of my body. Blood erupted out of my wet mouth as a sword was lunged in my heart, stopping the only movement in my body. I could still see its shadow.

Do you bury me when I'm gone
Do you teach me while I'm here
Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disappear
-Metallica

Posted by The Acid Tongue | 5 people felt like commenting Links to this post  

Location: Xenon 3, Fun Republic, Chandigarh
Occasion: Nothing too specific, but I don’t know if it was maybe the 6^th week from the day I asked her out.

I could make out something was important about today by the way she said “AAJ ka din plan kiya?” I would have taken it lightly if we hung out together every damn day, but we did not. Anyways, I may disappoint my male readers by letting out the fact that I’m usually on time (actually 5 minutes or more before it), and hence, I’ve to wait some time before I can see her. But on the brighter side, I’ve to wait at the ‘hottest’ hangout of Chandigarh. The place where I can check out girls, and they wont get all upset. The place where I learnt city girls can really be sporty sometimes (That’s another story though :p )

Anyways, the tickets had been booked, and this time I dint even try convincing her on Ocean’s 13, as I knew I wouldn’t be winning. Actually, I dint try not because I knew I’d be wasting time, but because I knew I wanted to ‘watch’ Ocean’s 13. And so did my friends :D. So, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom [JBJ] it was. Seated, after lunch (and that made me doubt more, and being me, I could have asked an answer to the ‘occasion’ question, had I been sure if it was the 6^th or the 7^th, hell, even 6.5!), we talked about how SHE’s been, and how SHE was doing with HER summer training, and how HER sister was, and how HER day went, and what was new in HER and HER family’s lives. It was maybe an attempt to make me write a flawless thesis on her yesterday, cuz I’d heard each of the lines she repeated on the 3 calls last night, and then read them in the countless messages in the morning while I tried to finish ‘The Janson Directive’ I bought last month I guess, and then again on the lunch table in McDonalds (Or McDeez, as she likes to put it, for McDonalds is cliché and childish). But I couldn’t afford to tell her that, as then I won’t be caring enough for her. Hmmm, actually, that wasn’t the real reason :p. It’s already the end of the month, and I couldn’t afford a teddy bear and a chocolate cake to ‘make up for how senseless and cold and heartless and …… I had been’. How I got through the grilling session without letting out a clue of me already knowing it is not a wonder, it’s okay, just takes a little getting used to ;). She was so excited to notice 3 shimmering golden lights attached to each corner of the screen, that she almost hugged me. I’m sure you know why… Yes.. each one of you got it bang on… They looked cute!!!! [I’m so sick of this word, I’m gonna be writing another post on this topic!]. It dint take much time to convince her that they weren’t put there by the xenon guys, but it was a new frame structure of the movie… and that they wont burst if somebody accidentally brushed the screen. The next dialogue… any guesses? Yup, I heard someone say the right one… I knew it dumbo.. I was just being sweet. You could have just said yes, they were lights put there intentionally just cuz we were watching the movie together.

[FLASHBACK: My cousin had a breakup with his girl because he made fun of this dialogue during didi tera dewar deewana in hum aapke hain kaun]

I dint realize how easily I could have broken up with her!!!!!!

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I'll wait for you there, like a stone
I'll wait for you there, alone
-Audioslave

Maybe I've learnt to strive for what i want. Maybe i don't like to give up anymore. Maybe it's a change I always wanted. Maybe i'll survive now. Maybe I'll stop wondering if i want to survive. At All.

ROCK BLESS YOU, guys.

Posted by The Acid Tongue | 4 people felt like commenting Links to this post