My only friend, The End.
This is the end, my only friend, the end
– The Doors.
No, this doesn’t go out to Chetan Bhagat, and I’m not popping one sleeping pill with every fullstop I add to this text.
I have a different way of living, well in this case, dying. I have always loved smoking a Cuban, and sipping away at an on-the-rocks peg of Chevas Regal, while I write. Or do anything else.
I was short on cash, [no, that’s not a reason I’m saying bye-bye to the world] so I have to make do with vodka and cigarettes today. And No, you can’t kill yourself by sipping vodka and smoking cigarettes while writing. But that’s not all I’m doing.
I have a jar of Benedryl, and a half full (this is a sad text, so I should have said half-empty, but what the fuck, right?) bottle of vodka. Yes... there’s the twist.
But I have a plan B. If I’m still conscious after finishing this text and my jar-bottle combo, I’ll go the old fashioned way. I have always been stuck between choosing the ultra modern or the uniquely classic.
So, here’s my suicide letter to the world. That is, if anyone cares.
Hello World,
I am Sumit Sharma, and I have to tell you this, cuz no-one else would. No actually, no one else could tell you my name cuz no one else knows. I’m that guy who would become famous, but only in his own house, and for a few seconds, and only when something goes wrong. And when it concerns me, it has usually gone wrong terribly, and irreversibly. So I seldom have any comebacks, or excuses. I usually accept my punishments and my boycotts as they come.
I have no regrets at this point of time, but that’s always been the case ever since my dad regretted wasting sperm 9 months before I was born. Yes, I am hopeless, and I know it and I accept it. I have to, it’s not like I have a choice you know. If you’re ugly, its right there… you have to accept it. The truth is shoved in your ass-like-face every morning by your own mirror. Or anyone else’s, doesn’t really matter. It’s the same with me. If you’re hopelessly pathetic, the world is your mirror. Everything you do, or try doing, or suck at doing, shoves the truth back into your fucked up brain. So after 21 years of taking that shit every single day, from every single one of your imaginary peers, (Yes, I have no friends. Yes, not even online.) and the things you bang your empty head into, you kinda get used to it, and you accept it. As I said, you don’t have much of a choice. It’s shoved right into your face.
I have faced reality for 21 years now, and I could have gone further and taken it for the other 2/3rd of my life too. But I think I’ve just taken the wisest decision of my life today. I’m going to end it. Not the decision, my life.
It actually is an attempt at making people notice. I want to voluntarily, and happily end my life, because no one ever has done that I guess. You’re either killed, or you kill yourself being fed up of something you can’t take any longer. Or you die naturally. You may be happy when you die naturally cuz old-age seems really fucked up to me, but I don’t think that’s voluntary. So, my point is… I am doing what no one else has ever done before… Killing myself, and being happy at the same time.
No, I don’t expect Guinness Book of World Records to register my feat, there’s another way people could notice me.
I feel so conducive to attracting rejections, that I’m pretty darn sure Life’ll reject my resignation letter too. But there’s nothing much It can do about it, cuz by the time it rejects it, I won’t be alive, and hence, out of its jurisdiction. Without a valid NOC from life, I guess, my after-death thing… anti-life, or whatever [Death isn’t the opposite of life. Read my previous post for that] will reject me too.
So I’m left hanging at a point, where I can enjoy my half alive-half dead-but-still-not-a-zombie existence. I could then take a print out of this letter, and flaunt it to the world at how cool I am. And maybe then, GBWR will register my feat.
PS: I’m not serious with anything I wrote above in the last 2 paragraphs, it was just an example of how hopelessly pathetic my brain, and my chain of thought is.
Sincerely Fucked Up,
Sumit Sharma.
Hey Acid :)
ur not serious right? HUGZ!
**So I’m left hanging at a point, where I can enjoy my half alive-half dead-but-still-not-a-zombie existence
so u think ur the only one feeling like that? Trust me, I feel that way too.
Keshi.
Keshi said...
Monday, July 07, 2008 6:22:00 AM
dude!! wats fucked up??
Jeya Anand said...
Friday, July 11, 2008 10:06:00 PM
looks like everyone feels the same!! :) cool;)
Jeya Anand said...
Friday, July 11, 2008 10:07:00 PM
man, what happened??? ANYWAYZ!! Ya, Amit saini is in my batch... :)
Ravisekharan said...
Saturday, July 12, 2008 7:55:00 PM
Hi ,
I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be wow.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘[I] SEEK NO MOKSHA’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too; quiet an interesting and psychological post...
BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!
This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)
Cheers,
ray said...
Monday, July 14, 2008 4:05:00 PM
@keshi
it was fiction darling!
just something i wrote to know how long i can go on blaberring without thinking.
i couldnt think of naything else when i wrote!
@jeya.
nothing's fucked up dude... just a weird chain of thought!
@ravi
nothing happened!!!!
amit saini's my gay buddy. haha.
ask him.
The Acid Tongue said...
Thursday, July 17, 2008 10:49:00 PM
hehe,interesting.
purple deepens.. said...
Monday, October 13, 2008 10:55:00 AM
hehe,interesting.
purple deepens.. said...
Monday, October 13, 2008 10:55:00 AM