[I] SEEK NO MOKSHA

XY:it's weird,u know.
XX: what is? that ur a close match to the guy i wanna go out with, nd still we're not together?
XY: NO. that's complex. so complex that i'd rather sky dive than try to think of an explanation for it. pataa ni.
XX: it's nt that complex. think bout it nd tell me tomorrow. Abhi, I gotta go.

You know what? I think I knew the reason already, but i dint say it because of the only reason I don't say things: I wasn't sure.
She gave me one night to think about it. I could be sure. Although I knew I had the whole next day to "Think about it". But it was agony i couldn't prolong.
Down to the reason, however.

I have always had this feeling that bandiyaan think I'm over ready for a thing as delicate as a relationship. That I'll smother her if we go out. That the intensity will ruin both our lives.
They're right, and not because they're ladies, but because I agree.

But the point is not why I’m not ready, or over-ready. The point is why would she hold back when she's been talking to a guy she could go out with, for so long. This was what I gave my whole night to.
I couldn't zero in on the perfect answer, but I short listed 4 most probable.
PLEASE REMEMBER: Even God can't fathom what goes on inside a woman.
But ‘He’ tried in the following lines :D

1. Pyar ke side effects
She's been committed passionately, completely, and religiously once. And she's been out of it. She may deny it, but I think she's scared of her next boyfriend being what her ex was. She doesn't want to dig into ice cream tubs again. Even though they're low-fat.

2. The career woman in her holds back.
It's not love I see. It's like she can forecast a flowchart: Girl goes out-is happy-but not focussed-1 year later, she ends up heartbroken, and not an IAS.
The thought scares her so much that she goes Hollywood...If the guy can't wait an year, I’ll wait. For another guy :P

3. All men are fuckin' pigs.
When you're talking to a girl for over 2 years (1 yr out of which she's been single) and still not going out, bells ring. And if you're one of her very very few male friends, the logic is inevitable. It has to be one out of:
1. All men are fuckin' sex starved pigs.
2. You're her gay teddy bear.

I'd turn my suicide note into real, if it's the latter. Right now.

4. I'm not just there. And never will be.
I started this thing with a dialogue about me being a "close match....". Is that the catch? I mean there's always been this "you-are-just-a-friend-sumit-and-I-want-to-talk-to-you (but-ur-so-ugly-I've-never-ever-thought-of-going-out-with-you) thing running up and down my brain cell membranes.



Is this true? Is it true that maybe I AM her gay teddy bear?
*wide-eyed-can't-believe-it-expression*

Posted by The Acid Tongue | 11 people felt like commenting Links to this post  

Contract Conditions - Any out of: hire/lease/rent/any other (Please Specify)

Prerequisites/ Qualities I am looking for :

1. She be talkative as hell.
I am not much of a talker, and that’s because I stutter and feel embarrassed to open my screwed up mouth when I talk. I’d be glad if she did most of the talking. I know it’s selfish and all, but hey, check out the picture alongwith!

2. She be funny.
Actually all I need is that she be having a good sense of humor. My PJs can be the worst level of sickness, and if you can’t handle it, you’re gonna bail anytime. I won’t want that.

3. She be practical.
If you need an explanation for this, you’re not her.

4. She NOT be gay.
Wasn’t this, like very obvious!??!

5. She should NOT demand a reason for every, actually, make that “Any” kiss.
I’m a lip virgin (Crash… there goes my popularity) and I’m not sure of what advances a man has to make to successfully start a kiss. I’d be grateful if I had lessons on it. And if I have to give out a reason why I wanna kiss you at the restaurant, I’m expecting myself to bail out.

6. She should NOT feel molested if I swear.
Ofcourse I’d be a dick-head if I swear on her. I grant her full rights to embarrass me in public if I ever do that. I don’t do that. But if I’m like fucked up and all, and let out scary swears, I expect her to be in the zone and not make it the break-point of our contractual (or otherwise) relationship.

7. She should NOT be a timebomb
Being a bomb is cool. It’s sexy. But being a timebomb.. I mean like “I gotta go. Got some work. I can be here only till 12.” Then its awwwn-awwwn-awwwn [I write alarm sounds like that]. Seriously, if you’re with me, be with me girl! If I’m boring you to blast, tell me before u blast. I’d not do that the next time.

8. She should NOT ruin my life for not quitting smoking.
I can handle rants, I can reason my way out of rants. But when u sound like I’m on the penultimate stage of cancer, it doesn’t make an impact. I’d not even listen. I’m not kidding.

9. She be comfortable with comfortable silences.
You know those times when you are on a date, and you have a lot to talk, or don’t have a lot to talk, but you would wanna spend a lot more time with him/her. You should be able to do that. Without feeling the urge to constantly blabber on.

10. Sex*




* Conditions Apply : The 10th point is applicable only when the contract is “hire”. ‘Cuz in that case, I’m paying for all of this (thru dates, or cash! It’s the same for me.), so I might just go shed it. What’s the big deal? If I can stoop down to this level. I might just stoop down a little bit more.


IN THE END.
Actually all I stated above isn’t a requisite at all. If you can mean the magic words, and say them.
Only if I could be wanted. Only if I mattered. Only if I were special to someone and reciprocate.
How despo and unwanted am I? Comments invited. If I din’t force you to read it, that is. Hehe.

Posted by The Acid Tongue | 9 people felt like commenting Links to this post